What a wonderfully powerful read, Robert! This should be required curriculum starting at age eight and taught yearly until you get it LOL
I only take one exception, with this one phrase : 'I see how I hurt you'.
I don't subscribe to the school of thought that believes that we can 'hurt each other'. I believe, through my life experience, that we can participate in each other's emotional field, but when we think someone else is responsible for 'hurting me' - I'm giving away all my power to that person. And the way I see it is that 'you can't hurt me', your words/actions simply touch on a wound that lives inside of me, and that brings on pain/suffering.
I'm just going to sit with that image for a moment—a parallel universe where emotional literacy was taught from the age of eight. Sigh. What a different world we might be living in.
I appreciate your take on “I see how I hurt you.” That reframe—shifting from blame to presence—is powerful. You’re right that often what we interpret as hurt is really an old wound being touched, something unhealed rising to the surface. I'm actually processing some of that right now, and it's been wonderful to see readily those two components will peel apart with practice.
At the same time, I think there’s something profoundly healing when someone is willing to say, I see that something I did touched something in you—and I care. Maybe it’s not about claiming responsibility for another’s pain, but showing up with compassion to it. Not rescuing, not fixing, just witnessing. And in that, restoring some of what may have been broken in earlier experiences.
I'm still mulling over that one. I see the rabbit hole beckoning me to come closer.
Thanks for reflecting back, Robert. And I’ll join you in that parallel universe 🙂👌
Let me try and explain myself briefly here : I agree that if I say something that provokes discomfort in you, I will take responsibility for participating in your emotion, BUT I did not create that emotion in you. I don’t have that kind of power haha. So it’s on YOU to take responsibility for your wound rather than do what most people do, which is point fingers at me as the CAUSE of your pain/discomfort/suffering.
The emotional wound already lives in you and that’s why you were triggered. I simply was saying/doing what I was saying/or doing. Does that make sense?
*Of course we are also including the assumption that there’s no malintent involved in my words/actions.
This is a deep conversation, Robert, challenging to have in this small space. Would love to have you join the online space I created called C.O.R.E. (Circle or Radiant Expansion) where we meet first Sunday of the month and deepen these convos.
Next meet-up is May 5 at 3pm EST, hope to see you there. Here’s a bit more info if you’re curious or inspired to read.
I appreciate this enriching interaction. Thank you 🙏✨🙂
What a wonderfully powerful read, Robert! This should be required curriculum starting at age eight and taught yearly until you get it LOL
I only take one exception, with this one phrase : 'I see how I hurt you'.
I don't subscribe to the school of thought that believes that we can 'hurt each other'. I believe, through my life experience, that we can participate in each other's emotional field, but when we think someone else is responsible for 'hurting me' - I'm giving away all my power to that person. And the way I see it is that 'you can't hurt me', your words/actions simply touch on a wound that lives inside of me, and that brings on pain/suffering.
Thoughts?
Thanks, Tamy!
I'm just going to sit with that image for a moment—a parallel universe where emotional literacy was taught from the age of eight. Sigh. What a different world we might be living in.
I appreciate your take on “I see how I hurt you.” That reframe—shifting from blame to presence—is powerful. You’re right that often what we interpret as hurt is really an old wound being touched, something unhealed rising to the surface. I'm actually processing some of that right now, and it's been wonderful to see readily those two components will peel apart with practice.
At the same time, I think there’s something profoundly healing when someone is willing to say, I see that something I did touched something in you—and I care. Maybe it’s not about claiming responsibility for another’s pain, but showing up with compassion to it. Not rescuing, not fixing, just witnessing. And in that, restoring some of what may have been broken in earlier experiences.
I'm still mulling over that one. I see the rabbit hole beckoning me to come closer.
Thank you for inviting the deeper reflection.
Thanks for reflecting back, Robert. And I’ll join you in that parallel universe 🙂👌
Let me try and explain myself briefly here : I agree that if I say something that provokes discomfort in you, I will take responsibility for participating in your emotion, BUT I did not create that emotion in you. I don’t have that kind of power haha. So it’s on YOU to take responsibility for your wound rather than do what most people do, which is point fingers at me as the CAUSE of your pain/discomfort/suffering.
The emotional wound already lives in you and that’s why you were triggered. I simply was saying/doing what I was saying/or doing. Does that make sense?
*Of course we are also including the assumption that there’s no malintent involved in my words/actions.
This is a deep conversation, Robert, challenging to have in this small space. Would love to have you join the online space I created called C.O.R.E. (Circle or Radiant Expansion) where we meet first Sunday of the month and deepen these convos.
Next meet-up is May 5 at 3pm EST, hope to see you there. Here’s a bit more info if you’re curious or inspired to read.
I appreciate this enriching interaction. Thank you 🙏✨🙂
https://open.substack.com/pub/tamyfaierman/p/join-our-core-community-zoom-tonight?r=eg9g9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false