A Shape to Punish

Meaning is a weapon. So is misunderstanding.

BREAKING: Shells Commit Felony on American Beach

In an unprecedented breach of national security, a group of seashells reportedly organized themselves into a terroristic numeral formation earlier this week.

Eyewitnesses say the shells appeared “calm” and “innocent” at first—typical behavior for marine debris. But after close examination (read: zooming in 400% on Instagram), several high-ranking interpreters of vibes confirmed the worst: 8647.

“The shells were clearly radicalized,” said an anonymous DHS official. “You can tell by the curvature of the 8. That’s not an accident. That’s intent.”

Former FBI Director James Comey, the man who allegedly encountered and photographed the insurgent shells, has been placed under investigation for aiding and abetting symbolic violence. His crime? Posting the image with the caption: “Cool shell formation on my beach walk.”

Cool?
COOL???

Experts warn that describing shell behavior as “cool” may constitute coded language for attempted coup.

“It’s like the Zodiac Killer met Martha Stewart,” said one political pundit with a straight face and a ring light. “You don’t just stumble on numbers like that. You manifest them.”

Meanwhile, Etsy sellers offering “8647” tote bags and artisanal soap have been subpoenaed. “We thought it meant ‘get rid of plastic straws,’” one vendor said, sobbing into their turmeric candle inventory.

A (not so) bipartisan committee is now considering banning all numbers between 85 and 89, citing “potential arithmetical extremism.”

“I’ve always been suspicious of 87,” said one senator. “It feels smug.”

UPDATE: Photo Reinterpreted. Threat Escalates.

Late Friday, the Department of Homeland Security released a statement warning that the original “8647” formation may in fact read as “Lh98” when viewed from a different angle.

“The h is clearly lowercase,” said one forensic typographer. “This changes everything.”

The reinterpretation has prompted renewed calls for Comey’s prosecution, with one senator describing the new formation as “more ominous, more deliberate, and possibly international.”

Meta analysts suggest “Lh89” may be a reference to a sleeper cell, a license plate, or “an obscure unit of anti-government Swiss mountaineers.”

Online reaction has been swift, divided, and deeply confident.

“This is why orientation matters,” one TruthSocial user posted. “Turn the truth upside down, and you’ll see the enemy plain as day.”

The laugh catches in the throat.
The feed refreshes.
The tide recedes—
and the photo’s still there.

Of course, the shells didn’t mean anything.
That’s what makes them dangerous.

It’s not what the shells meant.
It’s what someone needed them to mean.

Control doesn’t need a threat—
only a shape to punish.

The joke lands.
The hearings begin.
The caption disappears.

And somewhere beneath all that,
a man walked alone on a beach,
saw something odd,
and called it “cool.”
That’s all.

But power doesn’t believe in just.
Not when it needs a reason
to surveil, to silence,
to decide who counts as dangerous.

I’ve seen fear become evidence.
I’ve seen suspicion filed.
I’ve seen silence entered as proof.

This isn’t safety.
It’s strategy.

I once raised a question in a meeting
and watched it get folded into someone else’s answer.
My voice, not my meaning.
A nod. A scribble. Averted eyes.
The room moved on.

That’s the trick of interpretation—
it doesn’t erase you.
It reassigns you.

That’s how it starts.
Not with silencing.
With translation.
Then silence.

So no, this isn’t about Comey.
It’s about how quickly a symbol gets seized and repurposed.
How the same number can be printed on a bumper sticker
or filed into an indictment.

How oppression doesn’t need overt violence—
just a narrative,
just enough interpretation,
just enough deniability.

And interpretation, I’ve learned,
is just a sanitized way of deciding
who’s allowed to mean.

Somewhere, the tide has rearranged them.
Different shells. Same shape.
Someone else will find them.
Someone else will mean.

This essay was brought to you by the letters M and S,
and the numbers 86, 47, and 13.

(Or maybe it’s a prayer.
Or a threat.
Or a knock at the wrong door.
Maybe it’s the last part of my phone number.
Maybe the shells meant it.
Maybe the tees were told to.
Maybe I meant it.
Or didn’t.)

Meaning doesn’t ask for permission anymore.
It doesn’t knock.
It surveils.