4B or Not 4B? That Is the Question

Why Some Women Are Swiping Left on Men (And Why We Should Pay Attention)

Introduction:

The morning after the election, my social feed was the usual buffet of hot takes, heated memes, and doomsday predictions. But mixed in with the chaos, I spotted something new: women talking about deleting dating apps, signing up for self-defense classes, and investing in vibrators. I thought, Wait, what did I miss? I couldn’t help but wonder if they were onto something.

As it turns out, this “4B” idea comes from South Korea, where women are saying a polite but firm “no, thanks” to dating, marriage, sex, and even kids. That’s right: they’re opting out of relationships altogether. And now, with recent shifts in reproductive rights here in the U.S., it seems a few American women are wondering if maybe — just maybe — they should follow suit.

Now, as a partnered man, I’m not going to be joining the revolution myself. But I can’t help being intrigued. When a growing number of women feel that the best way forward is to simply step away from men, something is going on that we should pay attention to. “4B or not 4B” is an easy answer for me (I’ll keep my partner, thanks), but it raises questions that matter for all of us. And maybe they’re worth asking.

Setting the Scene

The 4B movement took off in South Korea around 2019 as a sort of “I’ll pass, thanks” to societal pressures. Picture it: women boxed in by a culture that hands them a script — find a husband, raise a family, and keep everything Pinterest-perfect. They basically decided to just toss the whole script.

Now, with reproductive rights feeling increasingly precarious here in the U.S., some American women are catching on. Enter Jada Mevs, a 25-year-old in Washington, D.C., who is calling for others to give 4B a try. “Let’s prioritize ourselves,” she says, and judging by the social media conversations, she’s not alone.

When you look at the modern dating scene, it’s easy to see why. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories about dating today — from the “I’m actually a libertarian” guy to the one who thinks The Handmaid’s Tale is “a little dramatic.” Suddenly, opting out of the whole thing doesn’t sound so extreme. Maybe that’s the real beauty of 4B: it’s less about saying “no” to men and more about saying “yes” to a life without unnecessary noise.

Opting Out as Self-Care: The Anti-Dating App Appeal

There’s something refreshingly clear-cut about just skipping the whole dating game. Picture it: Marie Kondo-ing your love life, where if it doesn’t spark joy — or at least a response more thoughtful than “hey” — out it goes. No more small talk marathons, no more “Where is this going?” texts. Just a bit of peace.

Honestly? I can see the appeal — especially if dating has started to feel like a part-time job for anyone still in the mix. And think about it: anyone doing 4B has the ultimate shield at family gatherings. “So, when are you settling down?” Aunt Martha asks, wide-eyed. “Oh, I’m dating myself right now,” you reply. Silence. You sip your drink. It’s perfect.

It’s not just about dating — sometimes, it’s about realizing that saying no to what doesn’t serve you is the most liberating decision you can make.

The Modern “Rebellion” — Why 4B Is Striking a Chord

Underneath the humor, though, there’s a powerful idea here. 4B isn’t an anti-men movement; it’s about putting personal peace, autonomy, and safety first. It’s a stand against a system that still tries to tell women how their lives should look. And maybe that’s why it’s striking such a chord here. In a world where “having it all” often feels like juggling everything at once, 4B offers a kind of freedom that many women might find refreshing.

But there’s a flip side to this, too. Choosing independence, especially as a woman, can still be risky — not because it’s difficult, but because society doesn’t always handle female autonomy well. Women like Alexa Vargas, who recently committed to 4B after years of dating disappointment, know that even the choice to stay single can invite judgment. The fact that opting out is seen as rebellious says a lot about why movements like 4B are necessary in the first place. Choosing independence shouldn’t feel rebellious, but when it does, it says a lot about the world we live in.

Closing Thoughts: What We Can All Learn from 4B

So, am I ready to advocate for everyone to break up with the dating world? Not exactly. But I do think 4B has something to teach us — whether or not we’re ready to “opt out.” The movement raises interesting questions about what we actually want from relationships, and, maybe even more importantly, what we don’t. What if we took some time to really ask ourselves, “Is this person actually adding anything good to my life?” And what if we took that question seriously enough to walk away when the answer wasn’t a resounding yes?

4B is more than a lifestyle choice; it’s a reminder to prioritize self-care, safety, and personal peace. And that’s something anyone — partnered, single, or somewhere in between — could benefit from. Because in a world of dating apps, timelines, and endless “rules,” maybe the best relationship we can invest in is the one we have with ourselves. So maybe, “4B or not 4B” isn’t just a question for some, but a reminder to invest in what actually fulfills us — even if that’s just a little peace of mind.